Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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