i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
