I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
