Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
