You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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