i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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