i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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