It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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