so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
