So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize