Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
