Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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