Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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