Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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