i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
