Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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