Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
