we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
