Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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