Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The air was thick with penises
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
