Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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