I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
