Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
