You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
