I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
