I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
