I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
