Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
