I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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