just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
