Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize