you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
