Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
