he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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