I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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