This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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