why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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