i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
