Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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