You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found your dick twin last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
