shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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