let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
