her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
