So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize