dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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