Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
