I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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