when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
