Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
