Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
