Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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