last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
