She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
