she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
