Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
