I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
