I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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