I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
