My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
