Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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