I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
