Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
