Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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