I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
