This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
