K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
