Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
tell me about the eggs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
