they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
