What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
